Dark humor

Dark Humor jokes

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, „Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?“

The wife replied, „I swear on everything that’s holy that he is your son.“

With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, „Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.“


Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

A: About three pounds, including the urn.


When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting — ‚No, man, I’ve got to go home.‘


A friend of mine just died. He was 84 years old, died broke. At the funeral, everyone said, ‚What a shame, he died penniless.‘ I don’t know — to me that sounds like perfect timing on a hell of a budget.


I was lying in bed last night, I got scared: ‚What if I died right now from very immensely, incredibly delayed crib death?‘


There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.

Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, „That’s odd.“


I chose the tuba based on this theory: if you’re not cool enough to be a cheerleader, make sure you’re carrying something big enough to knock one on her ass.


I think violence is wonderful, but what I object to in boxing is the total lack of explanation as to what happened between these guys to cause this fight to break out.